Sunday.

yeah well my login didnt stop working so i couldnt actually get into blog spot till today. 

that so didnt happen. 

It almost snowed yesterday;

and now the suns tickling the fences and lining the tops of farmers bushes like 

silk underlays. 

im taking pills now. 

little white ones for times a day, perscription. 

they taste of nail polish remover.

and all those times i lost my p.e kit. 

and hospitals, and that time we visited mum and i wore wheelies and flew down the pale green halls because i was a plane. 

i wasnt really. 

and right now;

i just want to get better. 

I hope your all fairing out, okay. at least. ~

Monday.

WHAT MONDAY NEEDS:

glitter

duvets

 peter pan collars.

urban outfitters

milkshakes

 and pinky finger nails

magazines

 photographs

 movies

and cupcakes with frosting.

WHAT MONDAY HAS:

none of the above.

why oh why did they make mondays?

One Confession .

i dont know who i am. 

 but im starting to.

 

 promise. 

i feel sick thinking your all the way over there.

Dont protect me.

please. 

and what shocked me most. 

you wanted me to say something. sitting next to me, you were practically pleading. 

please say something please please just say something.

it didnt shock me that you lied

i hate to say it but you do enough

i just. dont dont dont 

want to see you hurt. 

three years later and i think my 

kisses will still be caught by you. 

because

Im still getting better. ~

and I leave the sky to land on my eyelashes.

 I once met a girl who was drowning. 

I offered her my hand, 

and she pulled me in.

now you tell me what colour my eyes are. 

I'll enlarge them for you, the size of penny pieces and thumb nails and 

cherry drops. 

We'll get as far as I'll get better and you'll get cheerful. 

its all in the air; right now-

I am dying, slowly but literally, to fill my life with people who fill my life. 

and im not yet quiet,

just screaming quietly.

now teach me how to learn so i may learn to teach. 

happiness. 

again. ~

dear diary, this is not a diary.

a sneak peak in side my tiny mind. 

yep, i keep a journal/notebook thing. It's small and blue with polka dots, filled with biro hearts and dinosaurs. Fashion and fantasy.

I scribble down lyrics and outfits, draw pictures of clothes and friends and random ramblings.

Everything is in that notebook.

i cant see out my eyes no more.

caught in a sick vendetta, worse for i know it well enough. 

 ME AND CHEA ARE GOING SHOPPING. 
and my head hurts. 
BUT WERE GOING SHOPPING. :3

so yea, catch you kids later. ~

I bet you wouldnt.

I bet I would. you said, 

but you dont catch me catching you, 

and i'll tell you a million times 

your better than you think. 

and you'll tell me a million times 

for every star in the sky 

that matches your eyes.

I'll give you one kiss more. ~

And it started raining when i came out the shower.

And maybe thats because it was raining all the rain away and then the grass would be green and all the rain would be gone. 

And maybe its just going to rain tommorow, as well. and everything wil be soaked.

So i havent reached the point, the pinachle coz hell, there isnt one. but this weekend im sorting my life out a little bit and maybe things will get better before they get a whole lot better. 

ANYWAY. i thought in celebration of me being able to run out of physics saying, sir, do you nid if i go and throw up please? im linking some pretty things ive found coz everyone needs pretty. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwX7uEiEWx4

http://www.urbanoutfitters.co.uk/finger-tache/invt/5552455650000/&bklist=icat,5,shop,home,housecollections,stockingfillers

http://www.cathkidston.co.uk/p-15245-cath-kidston-candy-flowers-roberts-radio.aspx

Be merry. ~

My Christmas Wish.

and when im with you, im safe, and when im with you, 

  

its like that feeling you get when its christmas. 

Thats the only way to explain it. 

When im with you, hand on heart, you make me feel like i do once a year, on christmas. 

without presents, 

without crackers which i love and roast which i adore, 

without funny family and spilt wine, 

you make me feel like christmas. 

And boy, youve stitched shives down my spine. 

My heart leaps and melts and implodes and explodes and buzzes like an electric shock 

all-at-the-same-time.

this isnt even a story book, not even exaggerating for a interesting plot line 

( although this is one hell of an interesting plot line all the same )

tell me how. maybe i can bottle it, and we'll make a fortune. 

You make everything a little bit better right now. 

Today was the best car journey of my life. 

( thats saying something. )

I wish you upon everyone. Boy, 

if i could give one of you to everyone on earth with an honest smile on thier face for christmas, 

oh boy, i'd do it, thrice over. 

I hope with an honest heart and a prayer to god
you all get one.  ~

nothing will work anymore

 picture from my mate doyle. <3

oh those eyes. I am collecting;

sunday afternoons, wine gums. 

you should see the way you look at me. 

i want to show you fireworks, 

i want to say everything ive ever wanted to say allatonce. 

i want to stop forgetting everything that comes into my head. 

im jumbled like a flea market, 

im a charity shop full of things waiting to be painted, 

waiting to be perfect, 

waiting for you. 

and right now its hard. because everythings happening and lord, its so hard ive got to keep running because as soon as i stop i swear, i swear i'll collapse under it all, im flailing, as soon as i stop going forward it will drown me. 

and i can still see the thrawling looming bonnet of that black suv suddenly there in my perfieral vision like a heart attack, still seeing my sholder bag slam thunk into the front of it, so close to being the slam snap of my legs. Your hands are still going through my hair, 

and im falling, 

im just praying that im going to learn to fly 

before i hit the ground. 

So i nearly got hit by a car and everythings alittle busy and crazy right now and its hard to stay on top of all the ing responsiblity. big word. 

so i'll finish the ten days, i will, i just cant right now. 

I'm sorry, truely, truely, sorry. ~

I'd catch it in a jam jar, and keep it in my room.

Boom.

They shoot in to the air like stars, explode and then fade. You're surrounded by 'oohs' and 'aahs' and the smell of hot dogs. I'm dressed in muddy boots and a huge khaki parka jacket, but still shivering; breathing out steam like a dragon. So, yeah. I thought i hated it, but i love this time of year. It's the time of year when your eyeliner smudges and your nose is red and your toes are froze. When the radiators are on full blast and you can get away with wearing hoodies, and your hair smells like smoke (and that new shampoo my mum bought).

+ i said i'd stop doing posts like these, because Abigail is better, and that i'd write about fashion and shoes. 

But today was just

beautiful.

Day II

 Much use they were. still, it was a reason to thank thunder storms. 

and she watched her letter box everyday for that paper bird. 

1. I love fire, flames, watching things burn. Im not a pyro dont worry, and i hatehatehate smoking, but always borrow thier lighters, just to watch the flames. 

2. Im so so in love that. well, there arent really words for how much i love that boy. 

3. In my life, ive had it pretty good. But ive got so used to constant bullying/general rubbish from people that things will hurt, but in a few minuteshoursdays it wont matter to me anymore. 

4. I only cry if i hurt someone else. If im leaving a school i loved, if someone close to me suddenly hated me, i wouldnt cry. not at all. But if they hated me because i did something to them,

i'd ball my eyes out. 

5. I draw all over my hands, pretty much daily. 

6. I dont like milk. Or much cheese. or fizzy drinks. 

7. I really really want to be one of those small skinny girls that everyone adores, i dont like being tall. well, i'd also love to be as cool as chea but thats never gonna happen. 

8. like bright tights, crumpets, good friends and netball, i love sneakers but only have one pair. I love alot things, including avril lavinge and drew barrymore, but never listen to her songs or watch her films. I'd love to actually sort my life out and fill it with things i love ( like scrubs ) but i just never get the time.

9. When i was young,
i used to sleep naked. 

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

I have curly hair that's usually brown.

When i was little i used to only eat the pink part of angel cake. Ok, i still do.

I love fashion. and i mean LOVE. i spend most of my time on blogs, shops, lookbook, tumblr...

 My spotify playlist is four days long.

I'm wearing yellow socks with robots on ^_^

I need to meet new people. Lately, everything's been to comfortable. I've heard the same stories too many times, seen the same pretty faces.

I'm your typical, shopping loving, magazine reading, nail painting girl.

I love to take photographs. But..

I don't think i'm good enough, so i'll put it off. Save things for another day.

Day I

symbathys and batons fly like books and the road works wont stop for anyone anymore. 

it could always be worse.

it could definatly be worse. definatly.

 1. I want to make your life slightly better than it is going to be. i want to watch you grow up, and i want to be a name that makes you smile, despite the fact your so long away. 

2. Believe in yourself. Your SO much better than you think you are, and when you do, when you ARE occasionally confident- oh boy, you are then most beautiful amazing thing ive ever seen. 

3. your a hypocrite. You bitch behind peoples backs about people bitching behind peoples backs. Despite myself, i like you. but you should really cut it out. 

4. I wish i was one of the five people you confided in. You like me i know, but i would do so much to see you happy. I just wished you cared about me that much. I stayed in touch with the wrong person, and for that, im sorry. 

5. One day, for your mothers sake, i hope you get over yourself. But right now, im over you. 

6. Thankyou for the sometimes you havent been a bitch. Because your alot better than i give you credit for, but your alot worse than you think you are. and despite it all, im thankful for you.  

7.Your not perfect. And those jokes? you do not belive how much they hurt when i was young. But you helped me to get used to it, and besides, you could be alot worse. 

8. I think you are unbelievably cool. Its such a shame due to circumstances i cant be as good friends with you as i would like, and i wished you thought i was cool right back. But then, you are SO much cooler than me, so i guess thats kindof fair isnt it? 

9. Sometimes, you guys are worse than the people your bitching about. Generally your amazing people, you just get caught up in it a little bit. 

10. You were a bitch, you made me feel totally and completly worthless. I was wierd, and you were better than me. you are one of the main reasons i can take any shit people throw at me, after a few days. and i dont care how nice you seem now. 

Now, i am better than you. because despite everything you did,  i dont even hate you. 

No hard feelings. ~

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

"You're so damn cute, you have amazing eyes and pretty boy hair. I wish you lived near by. I wish I knew you better."
"I know I don't say it enough, but i love you. I really do."
"I don't trust you. If only you didn't lie, if only i could go one day without doubting you."
"Don't be so mean. You're amazing when you're not. Oh, and your braces make you a million times cuter."
"I want to meet your friend with the afro. Really bad."
"How do you get your hair so big? It's amazing."
"It sounds cheesy, but i wish i was in your group of friends."
"You're beautiful. Yes, you're a slag-and-a-half. But beautiful."
"Belieeeve in your self. You're so good at everything, don't put yourself"
"You honestly inspired me to be who i am now."

ehhh. <3

Because shes stubbon when her ribena hair's in full swing.

So there are ten days of our lives ahead of us. and were probably going be bored in at least 11 of them. 

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot.
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

youve probably seen it going arounnd. 

anyways so me and chea are doing it coz were cooler than all the other people who are doing it coz she has hair the color of ribena and. um. i. um. have sparkly nail polish on. 

so like yea. 

suck on that. ~